Stephen Gaghan is a genius!

Stephen Gaghan can write one hell of a screenplay!! I love the way he flips back and forth from one storyline to another. He is a mastermind at writing great ensembles!! Traffic was like that. It is one of my favorite movies.

Here are some of the best movies/screenplays of all time

(1) Traffic

(2) Sling Blade

(3) Monsters Ball

(4) Boys Don't Cry

(5) Crash

(6) True Romance

There are so many more-I think I'll compile a list of top twenty screenplays and post it later.

Kristy finally came over...Brads MIA

Brad owes Sam $70 for the stereo that I had in my Honda that Brad put in Rachel's car. I can't believe he's avoiding Sam!! After all he does for that boy!! Brad comes and stays at our house for days, eats the food here, and doesn't contribute much but Sam has a big heart. Now he and Rachel are supposedly broke-up after Brad put his hands on her Sunday nite.

Anyways Sam's off with Kristy on some adventure no doubt. Wild goose chase probablly. But she finally called to say she was comin over and did for once. Usually she calls and doesn't show up!!

Have you ever read the blog "PostSecret"?

There is this blog called "PostSecrets" where people send in their secrets on a postcard and the people who run the site publish their postcards. Some of them are so sad, some so artistic, creative. Anyways, I always like the really serious ones that I can relate to and that even make me cry cause you understand what it's like to feel like the person who wrote one of the postcards. Anyways I really liked this post so I thought I would write it here on my site:

"Sometimes I let it go to message on purpose--
I can't bear the sadness in your voice--

come home safe......."
Sad, huh?

ANTI-CLIMATIC

It's one of my favorite words!

I could only find a definition for "Anti-climax" or I'd put the definition here. But my understanding of the word and the way that I use it is:

Something that is a let-down--leaving someone feeling 'robbed' of the happiness and joy that they thought they would have or feel as a result of something--something that makes you say "damn isn't that ironic"

Anyways I thought I'd write you out a short list of things or times that are Anti-Climatic to me

(1) New Years Day

(2) Anniversaries of all kinds

(3) 7 a.m. on any day of the week-except maybe Saturday-it just seems like a depressing
time of the day to me. You listen to the mourning radio show and laugh but in the back
of your mind you got the fact that your on your way to work or wherever you are having
to go and that my friend is depressing.

(4) Getting bonded out of jail-well, kinda. I mean sure your elated to be out of hell on earth
but the harsh realities of your pending charges and your upcoming court date makes me
feel a little anti-climatic (you may not be able to relate.....)

(5) Graduating-FINALLY-with an Associates Degree in Liberal Arts only to realize that that
kind of associates degree(esp. with my employment history and my background) will help
very little to get myself a good-paying job

(6) Getting to stay home from school when you're a kid only to find out it means one more day
will be tacked on to the school year since all the scheduled ones have been used.

(7) Finally not being single on Valentines Day and getting a dozen roses for the occasion.
(No, it's not true, not all women love getting them-esp. on V-day when a little originality
would be great in my case)

(8) Actually most holidays particularly Valentines Day; Christmas Day; and Fourth of July.
Well, the 4th isn't that bad-but the other two SUCK!! It's mostly the build-up and the
whole feeling that you gotta have someone to be with that day and you gotta get some
great present from them as well as for them even if you have no money. And it's always
depressing as hell to be asked "so what are your plans for-----------, anything special?"
Makes me think of all kinds of inappropriate responses I would love to give but I usually
just answer "oh nothing....."! Sad.

Well there are a lot more things I could put here but I will stop for now.

Do me a favor and write me some of yours. After I get some good responses-If I get some good responses, I will put them all in a Post to share.

Just got back from visiting the fam...

I went to visit mom and dad for a few days. Partially because my grandparents were there for a visit. I couldn't sleep very well. Partly cause I am used to stayin up all night here at the house and sleeping until 2 p.m. which is pretty bad, I know. I gotta get out of that habit. Anyways, I am back thankfully. I guess it was a nice visit. I did work on my children's book which is looking more like a "young reader" book for school age kids I guess. I already have 27 pages although the font is pretty big. I'll have to shorten it a lot if its gonna be for little kids and legthen if its gonna be for school age kids. So, we'll see.

Friday nights.......

Well. its Friday night and all I have to do is download music off the net and posting whats going to sound like a pretty sad little post on my blog that no one reads but me....which is okay cause I really just have it for myself anyways.

So today was a good day in a way. S' parole officer finally came by yesterday and left a card. It said he had to report first thing today and we thought he might get loc ked up again for a few months which I was worried about. But I remained optimistic and promised to be as much help to him as I could be while he was inside. BUT thankfully his new p.o. gave him another chance and told him he better get a steady job and be able to pass his UA next month. Whew! what a relief. Now its my turn next month. I wish I could expect to be that lucky but probation is harder to get second and third chances on a lot of times cause they figure you already are getting your "break" so I may be looking at some prison time this summer--thats just something I am going to have to deal with. I won't have to do much time though.

Anyways, Callie is pissing me off. I am worried about the girl. She was supposed to come over here yesterday and we haven't heard from her since. She had better be in jail or something.

What do you hate?

HATE. It is a strong word by some peoples standards. Not mine though. There are so many words that "mean the same thing". Hate is actually over- just like the word "love".

Anyways, here are just some of the things I "hate"

1. Coming across one blog after another that's written in another language I can't read and don't want to.

2. The Ring Tones I have on my out-dated cell phone.

3. Really Cold Weather-esp. with snow and ice!!

4. Feeling Helpless, Having Regrets, and Not Measuring Up.

5. Being in Jail.

6. Lima Beans, Goats Milk, Apples, and Most Nuts

7. That "Reality" show on VH1 or MTV with the rapper "Flava Flave" (or whatever his name is).

8. The fact that cameras are going up at this very moment in order to"watch over" us by big brother for our "security".

9. Children who behave very badly in public (like throwing tantrums) and their parents who allow it to go on and on and...........well, you get the picture.

10. Addiction.

Comment here and provide your own HATE LIST!!

I gotta get my ass in gear

Ok, so it is time I start walking the walk instead of paying lip service to who will listen. I go to court for my third d.w.i. for the first time on the 19th of next month. I'm fixing to lose my damn Honda. It has been sitting in impound since the 19th of last month--the day I wrecked it like a dumb ass!!

I have no car now which makes it very difficult to find a job. BUT I can still work as a "petitioner" for the initiative to get a state lottery bill on the ballot in the fall to allow lottery in this state in order to fund education. In fact, I support the thing too!! But the best thing about it is they pay by the signature and they need thousands more!! I just gotta find a way to get to some good place to ask people to sign it. AND get a little more reliable help to get up to the place where you turn them in. Four days later you get paid for the signatures you have gotten. I worked a polling place on Super Tuesday and got over 70 signatures without even trying. Anyways, I gotta get in gear and do it cause I owe a lot of money and I got fine, fees, the money it would cost to get a lawyer for my d.w.i. case which would help me out a lot. I don't know if I am going to prison or not but its time I start doing something about my situation.

The rest of the story

So after court on MLK day, I was really freaked out. I thouht I was gonna be in that jail forever! I knew there was no way my mom and dad or grandparents would pay it (unless I had been in there forever)! And Sam couldn't come up with it for a long time. The next couple of days passed so slow. After court they moved me into my own cell. I remained alone the rest of the time I was in there. I did get a book to read after court from a dispatcher and I read a entire book on Tuesday. It sucked but it helped to pass the time.

By Wednesday I was deperate and I called a bail bond agent from Jacksonville. I gave her my parents number and the number to the house. I told her to get my boyfriend and my parents to them to work together to get me out. I just kept hoping I'd be able to go to court again as soon as possible and get my bond reduced. But the time was creeping by and I kept thinking "I am gonna lose my damn mind in here!!" By wednesday most of the people I had been to court with on Tuesday had bonded out. It was quiet. I started a new stupid book on Wednesday mourning. It was so hard to sleep in there! They keep the lights on all the time of course and it seemed like they got brighter at nite.

Thursday mourning after breakfast a clerk came in and said "Come on out here for me." I started to gaather my stuff and asked her "Am I moving cells again?"

"No, you're going home." she smiled and waved me out.

"I am? You're kidding!! Yes, Yes, Yes!!! Oh yes, I'm going home........" I did a little dance all the way into the room where you make your phone calls and get fingerprinted, etc. I asked her "Whose comin to get me out?" looking a little worried as the realization that it could be one of my very unhappy parents.

"No one." she smiled "We let good little imated out O.R. (own recognicenses).

"Really!!" (Wow not acting all shitty to the guard, bailifs, whatever they are paid off I thought)

So I walked my happy little ass home!! I couldn't get here fast enough! Sam was home when I got here much to my suprise since I had called him and no one answered. He left an hour or two after I got home and stayed gone until the next nite much to my dismay. But it's all good now, I guess. Except he is very pissed that I wrecked the Honda and it is now still sitting in the impound lot where it is for the third time in the last six months. I guess I am gonna lose it. Which is pissing Sam off still! But hopefully we'll get him another car soon!!

Damn life can change so damn fast!!

I think that when I created this blog I still had my Honda Accord and it ran fine. I still only had two DWIs (one of couse was pending from Sherwood, which I had a failure to appear warrant from since Nov. of 2007 in Sherwood since I didn't go to court on Oct. 30 like a real genius!!) And I was still in decent standing with my p.o. from another county, although things were certainly up in the air so to speak and I was already in constant fear that things were about to totally fall fuckin apart any day because I got behind on my monthly probation fee and had possibly failed my U.A. in december.

But then, wouldn't you know I went and fucked it all the way up!! And damnit: I could kick myself in the damn head for doin it the way I did. Sometimes I look at my actions in hindsight and think: "My God! WTF is wrong we me? Why did I do that??!!" Yah know, and like have absolutely no f**kin clue why I had, and what made me do things the way I had.....Like the mourning I woke up in jail a little over two weeks ago today and found myself hung-over, with a wrecked Honda (GD!) which Sam had tried time and time again to treat that car with the tender love and concern (as well as RESPECT-I should mention) and what do I do....I go out and buy another pint of whiskey while he's napping on Friday afternoon/evening after his mother had asked me to go to the store for her to get some Coke. I mean, for the past 2, 3, months I haven't been driving my car at all-Anywhere! If someone drove it it was Sam (or Brad once or twice) and I hardly even went with him, even if he was driving I didn't like to be out and about in public after my warrent was issued b/c I knew I would go to jail for a period even if they did OR me eventually, I knew I wouldn't be able to just bond right out again since I had a FAT!! Even if the county jail was overcrowded.

And Yep! I sure did have to spend some time in jail--although it could have been worse, for sure!! I had a $20,000 bond!! Before I went to court on a Tues. (since Monday had been MLKing Day) I had a $6,000 bond. Damn, I only thought that that was high. I thought "Sam won't be able to nor would he be willing to come up with $600 to bond me out. WRONG! Suprisingly enough to me then he was in fact willing however, not exactly able to do it. But he told me "Don't worry baby I'll get you out by tommorw afternoon, which came and went without a word from him. So....I called him again, that next nite. This time he said he was working on it, Don't Worry!, and that he really thought that they would OR me that next mourning when I was finally able to go before a judge. I cried, he reassured me it would be okay, and ultimately I b.elieved. He was wrong........and the rest of the story will be told in my second post. For now, I am signing out as I have got to get up and work with Callie tommorw. That too will be explained later.