Not goin to Jail afterall!!!

Well I went to court on Monday and got incrediblly lucky! My p.o. suggested I get into a treatment center instead of going to jail or the pen!! Thank the lord!

Time goes by so fast

Well I think that since I have court on the 30th to determine my future time is going by so damn fast! I hate it.

Just got outta jail....AGAIN!!

They got me....Again!! Yep. I got "stopped" on May 15th when I was up at E-Z Mart getting some cigarettes and trying to use the pay-phone. They found pills on me-charged me for them. I stayed there from Thursday nite until Monday afternoon. Then....Garland Co. had a damn hold on me for a warrant for my arrest for "p.v." (probation violation). So, they so nicely bonded me out on Monday on an O.R. on my $150 bond and held me until a nice deputy from the Garland County Detention Center could find his way all the way up here to the big city of Little Rock to take my ass back to Hell. Stayed there for two weeks to the day. Had court yesterday mourning in Judge Wrights courtroom (thank god). Thankfully, he didn't raise my $5000 bond. Sam and his mom got the money together to pay this guy whose a bond agent here in NLR and he and Sam's mom drove down to H.S. to rescue me.

GD! What in the hell is wrong with me. Don't know how in the hell I'm gonna be able to avoid doing at least a little prison time at this point. I'm scared but.....hell, what can I do at this point but just do whatever it is I have to do to please the system and try to get thru it in one piece.

Another close call....

Well, S. almost went to jail I guess cause of Kristy's silly ass. Actually, just to be totally honest here I don't really think she was acting her "normal" out-there self. When me and Brent picked him up from the gas station he and Kristy had gone to in Southwest to meet this guy she was supposed to be meeting. The damn store clerks that worked at the gas station may have called the cops for what reason I still don't know. But there is one thing I can say--I feel sorry for her tonite!! If she had smething on her she is facing some serious time in the pen or a really really big attorney fee she better hope and pray her old man will pay...or shit....I don't even really want to think about it tonite.

Anyways, I had a feeling something bad was gonna happen concerning the law. And from what S. said, the cops followed him into the alley next to the gas station they were at and they asked him what he and K. were doing there and 'what he was running for..."Damn! I'd be lost if he had his freedom taken away once again, and he had to go back to the pen. I would be so damn sad and lonely.

Fuckin' Kardashians....

Okay, the crap they put on VH1 and MTV is just "Like, OH My God! Like Totally Pathetic!" How can someone g'et all absorbed in the Cardashian "rich bitches". They have more money than God and are completely out of touch with the "real world" in which most of us 99%ers live in. The price of gas is so damn high-more than ever most people are concerned with employment problems, their under or uninsured, and like me watching a bunch of unbelieveablly rich people acting like valley girl bimbos (minus the blonde hair) argue on a nationally syndicated television show about an argument they all had earlier in the week over an outragously expensive luxury car-a Bently! Give me a GD break. I mean, who watches that show and feels entertained. How many ppl in this world watch that crap and actually feel an oz. of sympathy-much less empathy-for any of the whinny little Kardashian bitches

If anyone out there is a weekly viewer of the "reality" show about the Kardashian family VH1 hosts about the Kardashian family-can you please explain to me how someone can watch that pathetic little show about the 2 self-absorbed Kardashian sisters and Co. Hey Girls.....Kill yourselves....really! Sorry, but its that bad!

So now I got an idea for a televison show

I have never wanted to write for t.v. But last week I got an idea for a televison show after watching 'Grey's Anatomy' and 'The Riches'. I love both of them and with t.v. drama going places it didn't go before with shows like 'The Riches' and 'Breaking Bad' (which I could write for I think) and 'Lost' (my favorite show) I have been thinking about it.

So I'm not gonna give my idea away but I will tell you it is set in a "medical facility" of sorts and it is very serious and on a subject I have a lot of experience with.

Anyways, I'll update my progress if I have any. I am still working on the movie script about three friends, a witchy woman, and a 2nd chance at love which ends tragically for a number characters. I still don't have an ending though.

Oh and screenplay idea is coming together

Just a note. I pretty much have story plotted out in my head and have few random scences written even. But the climax-total outcome-who dies, lies, lives happily ever after (if any)still need to be worked out and then I gotta get to writing.

Anyways.....

Talked to Alan last nite too...

Well we talked to Alan last nite. Well, he did. They talked a bit. We both like Alan a lot. At first she had us convinced dude was crazy and paranoid and unreasonable. Then we got to know who was the bitch. Glad to know now.

Anyways, T. had said couple of weeks ago that Alan wanted nothing to do with us now and disliked S. That isn't true, I don't think. He's seeing another chick now. Hope it turns into something and we can all get together some time. Alan is one of the "good guys".

Life is getting stressful all the sudden again

So all the threats and b.s. had ended. Then today one of our least favorite people called and I forgot what his number was so I stupidly answer the phone and then hang up on him like an idiot. I wish these fuckers would move on. Lots of people owed me money or screwed me around in one way or another and I had to eventually write it off vowing of course to hate and despise them from then on out. But these Mfs can't seem to stop coming out of the wood work-even the ones who actually initially did us bad. Now it seems like they all want to stand in line with a hand out for what they were supposedly screwed out of. "Fuck em if they can't take a joke"; isn't that my favorite old saying. Well, the jokes getting old.

So this post probablly either doesn't make a lot of sense or could be read into a million different ways and I guess that's good since this thing really is most of all for me to journal my life or the (appearace of such).....huh...... So, anyways, that's enough confusion for us all for now.

I'm Back....

Here I am. Finally gonna post again. Not a whole lot has happened since my last post. Except I spent another week in jail!! Not to worry. I didn't go a get in any new trouble. I had court on March 19th and the judge ruled "Guilty" on both my d.w.i. cases so then he sent me to jail for 90 days!! I was so pissed. I had been worried about that happening but that mourning before court I asked the damn public defender if I was going to jail. He said "nah, nah, you'll just get sentenced to do some community service". But he was wrong. He failed to realize that I had 3 dwi's so that meant a mandantory 90 day sentence in jail. I was freaking out at the thought of doing 90 damn days in Sherwood jail. But thank God, county jail was too crowded to take me so that meant I had to stay put and Sherwood can't hold anyone for more than 14 days since it's just a holding facility. So just like last time I only had to spend a week in there. Thank God. Actually, this time I was in there about twelve hours longer I think. Anyways, I got about $5000 in fines and since the judge let me out 83 days early that is how many days of community service I gotta due. Witch I really gotta get on that.

But for now, I gotta get ready for a garage sale. We have had one every weekend just about since I got out a month ago. We aren't really getting anywhere financially but we're getting rid of a lot of stuff.

I love my man!

This is my Man. The one and only, love of my life. I just thought I'd show you a picture of him. I usually make fun of people who post pictures of their kids, spouses, friends, etc. on their blogs. But I am learning how to use and post pics from my digital camera I got a Christmas (finally!).

I miss my Honda!!

I miss my Honda so much!! These last few days I have really missed having my own transportation and realized just how good I had it with parents who were willing to buy me one more car last August after I had totalled one, got another stolen, then they bought me a third which finally broke down on me last summer. In late July they bougtht me a white 99 Honda Accord which I stupidly wrecked in Janurary and lost to the city impound. I couldn't afford the impound fee by the time I got out of jail. It had so much damage that even if I could have paid to get it out it wasn't worth it b/c it needed too much work and I don't have any freakin money.

Now me and Sam can barely get a ride to the store!! It sucks. I swear if me and Sam ever get another car I will not take it for granted. Actually, I probablly won't drive the damn thing! But we gotta get a ride or we'll never get our head above water!

Things aren't goin so good

Ok, so B showed up at the house today. Finally. S had to get someone to call him on their phone to finally talk to him. That bitch he was seeing still needs to bring S's amp and cd player back to us so he can sell it to pay his fees!! I can't understand why she hasn't come by and just let S take the mf out of her car!!

Then Callie called again to tell me she was coming over.....never did of course!!

GD I am getting sick of this. I hate not having a car! Why, Why, Why did I have to drive the damn Honda into someones fence!! Things are just so damn hard on us now!! Getting a fuckin ride to the damn grocery store has become impossible just about!! Damn, that is sad. We don't see anybody anymore. S ain't hustling anymore and we can't even go look for a job much less get our asses there!! Damn I don't know what we' re gonna do.

Stephen Gaghan is a genius!

Stephen Gaghan can write one hell of a screenplay!! I love the way he flips back and forth from one storyline to another. He is a mastermind at writing great ensembles!! Traffic was like that. It is one of my favorite movies.

Here are some of the best movies/screenplays of all time

(1) Traffic

(2) Sling Blade

(3) Monsters Ball

(4) Boys Don't Cry

(5) Crash

(6) True Romance

There are so many more-I think I'll compile a list of top twenty screenplays and post it later.

Kristy finally came over...Brads MIA

Brad owes Sam $70 for the stereo that I had in my Honda that Brad put in Rachel's car. I can't believe he's avoiding Sam!! After all he does for that boy!! Brad comes and stays at our house for days, eats the food here, and doesn't contribute much but Sam has a big heart. Now he and Rachel are supposedly broke-up after Brad put his hands on her Sunday nite.

Anyways Sam's off with Kristy on some adventure no doubt. Wild goose chase probablly. But she finally called to say she was comin over and did for once. Usually she calls and doesn't show up!!

Have you ever read the blog "PostSecret"?

There is this blog called "PostSecrets" where people send in their secrets on a postcard and the people who run the site publish their postcards. Some of them are so sad, some so artistic, creative. Anyways, I always like the really serious ones that I can relate to and that even make me cry cause you understand what it's like to feel like the person who wrote one of the postcards. Anyways I really liked this post so I thought I would write it here on my site:

"Sometimes I let it go to message on purpose--
I can't bear the sadness in your voice--

come home safe......."
Sad, huh?

ANTI-CLIMATIC

It's one of my favorite words!

I could only find a definition for "Anti-climax" or I'd put the definition here. But my understanding of the word and the way that I use it is:

Something that is a let-down--leaving someone feeling 'robbed' of the happiness and joy that they thought they would have or feel as a result of something--something that makes you say "damn isn't that ironic"

Anyways I thought I'd write you out a short list of things or times that are Anti-Climatic to me

(1) New Years Day

(2) Anniversaries of all kinds

(3) 7 a.m. on any day of the week-except maybe Saturday-it just seems like a depressing
time of the day to me. You listen to the mourning radio show and laugh but in the back
of your mind you got the fact that your on your way to work or wherever you are having
to go and that my friend is depressing.

(4) Getting bonded out of jail-well, kinda. I mean sure your elated to be out of hell on earth
but the harsh realities of your pending charges and your upcoming court date makes me
feel a little anti-climatic (you may not be able to relate.....)

(5) Graduating-FINALLY-with an Associates Degree in Liberal Arts only to realize that that
kind of associates degree(esp. with my employment history and my background) will help
very little to get myself a good-paying job

(6) Getting to stay home from school when you're a kid only to find out it means one more day
will be tacked on to the school year since all the scheduled ones have been used.

(7) Finally not being single on Valentines Day and getting a dozen roses for the occasion.
(No, it's not true, not all women love getting them-esp. on V-day when a little originality
would be great in my case)

(8) Actually most holidays particularly Valentines Day; Christmas Day; and Fourth of July.
Well, the 4th isn't that bad-but the other two SUCK!! It's mostly the build-up and the
whole feeling that you gotta have someone to be with that day and you gotta get some
great present from them as well as for them even if you have no money. And it's always
depressing as hell to be asked "so what are your plans for-----------, anything special?"
Makes me think of all kinds of inappropriate responses I would love to give but I usually
just answer "oh nothing....."! Sad.

Well there are a lot more things I could put here but I will stop for now.

Do me a favor and write me some of yours. After I get some good responses-If I get some good responses, I will put them all in a Post to share.

Just got back from visiting the fam...

I went to visit mom and dad for a few days. Partially because my grandparents were there for a visit. I couldn't sleep very well. Partly cause I am used to stayin up all night here at the house and sleeping until 2 p.m. which is pretty bad, I know. I gotta get out of that habit. Anyways, I am back thankfully. I guess it was a nice visit. I did work on my children's book which is looking more like a "young reader" book for school age kids I guess. I already have 27 pages although the font is pretty big. I'll have to shorten it a lot if its gonna be for little kids and legthen if its gonna be for school age kids. So, we'll see.

Friday nights.......

Well. its Friday night and all I have to do is download music off the net and posting whats going to sound like a pretty sad little post on my blog that no one reads but me....which is okay cause I really just have it for myself anyways.

So today was a good day in a way. S' parole officer finally came by yesterday and left a card. It said he had to report first thing today and we thought he might get loc ked up again for a few months which I was worried about. But I remained optimistic and promised to be as much help to him as I could be while he was inside. BUT thankfully his new p.o. gave him another chance and told him he better get a steady job and be able to pass his UA next month. Whew! what a relief. Now its my turn next month. I wish I could expect to be that lucky but probation is harder to get second and third chances on a lot of times cause they figure you already are getting your "break" so I may be looking at some prison time this summer--thats just something I am going to have to deal with. I won't have to do much time though.

Anyways, Callie is pissing me off. I am worried about the girl. She was supposed to come over here yesterday and we haven't heard from her since. She had better be in jail or something.

What do you hate?

HATE. It is a strong word by some peoples standards. Not mine though. There are so many words that "mean the same thing". Hate is actually over- just like the word "love".

Anyways, here are just some of the things I "hate"

1. Coming across one blog after another that's written in another language I can't read and don't want to.

2. The Ring Tones I have on my out-dated cell phone.

3. Really Cold Weather-esp. with snow and ice!!

4. Feeling Helpless, Having Regrets, and Not Measuring Up.

5. Being in Jail.

6. Lima Beans, Goats Milk, Apples, and Most Nuts

7. That "Reality" show on VH1 or MTV with the rapper "Flava Flave" (or whatever his name is).

8. The fact that cameras are going up at this very moment in order to"watch over" us by big brother for our "security".

9. Children who behave very badly in public (like throwing tantrums) and their parents who allow it to go on and on and...........well, you get the picture.

10. Addiction.

Comment here and provide your own HATE LIST!!

I gotta get my ass in gear

Ok, so it is time I start walking the walk instead of paying lip service to who will listen. I go to court for my third d.w.i. for the first time on the 19th of next month. I'm fixing to lose my damn Honda. It has been sitting in impound since the 19th of last month--the day I wrecked it like a dumb ass!!

I have no car now which makes it very difficult to find a job. BUT I can still work as a "petitioner" for the initiative to get a state lottery bill on the ballot in the fall to allow lottery in this state in order to fund education. In fact, I support the thing too!! But the best thing about it is they pay by the signature and they need thousands more!! I just gotta find a way to get to some good place to ask people to sign it. AND get a little more reliable help to get up to the place where you turn them in. Four days later you get paid for the signatures you have gotten. I worked a polling place on Super Tuesday and got over 70 signatures without even trying. Anyways, I gotta get in gear and do it cause I owe a lot of money and I got fine, fees, the money it would cost to get a lawyer for my d.w.i. case which would help me out a lot. I don't know if I am going to prison or not but its time I start doing something about my situation.

The rest of the story

So after court on MLK day, I was really freaked out. I thouht I was gonna be in that jail forever! I knew there was no way my mom and dad or grandparents would pay it (unless I had been in there forever)! And Sam couldn't come up with it for a long time. The next couple of days passed so slow. After court they moved me into my own cell. I remained alone the rest of the time I was in there. I did get a book to read after court from a dispatcher and I read a entire book on Tuesday. It sucked but it helped to pass the time.

By Wednesday I was deperate and I called a bail bond agent from Jacksonville. I gave her my parents number and the number to the house. I told her to get my boyfriend and my parents to them to work together to get me out. I just kept hoping I'd be able to go to court again as soon as possible and get my bond reduced. But the time was creeping by and I kept thinking "I am gonna lose my damn mind in here!!" By wednesday most of the people I had been to court with on Tuesday had bonded out. It was quiet. I started a new stupid book on Wednesday mourning. It was so hard to sleep in there! They keep the lights on all the time of course and it seemed like they got brighter at nite.

Thursday mourning after breakfast a clerk came in and said "Come on out here for me." I started to gaather my stuff and asked her "Am I moving cells again?"

"No, you're going home." she smiled and waved me out.

"I am? You're kidding!! Yes, Yes, Yes!!! Oh yes, I'm going home........" I did a little dance all the way into the room where you make your phone calls and get fingerprinted, etc. I asked her "Whose comin to get me out?" looking a little worried as the realization that it could be one of my very unhappy parents.

"No one." she smiled "We let good little imated out O.R. (own recognicenses).

"Really!!" (Wow not acting all shitty to the guard, bailifs, whatever they are paid off I thought)

So I walked my happy little ass home!! I couldn't get here fast enough! Sam was home when I got here much to my suprise since I had called him and no one answered. He left an hour or two after I got home and stayed gone until the next nite much to my dismay. But it's all good now, I guess. Except he is very pissed that I wrecked the Honda and it is now still sitting in the impound lot where it is for the third time in the last six months. I guess I am gonna lose it. Which is pissing Sam off still! But hopefully we'll get him another car soon!!

Damn life can change so damn fast!!

I think that when I created this blog I still had my Honda Accord and it ran fine. I still only had two DWIs (one of couse was pending from Sherwood, which I had a failure to appear warrant from since Nov. of 2007 in Sherwood since I didn't go to court on Oct. 30 like a real genius!!) And I was still in decent standing with my p.o. from another county, although things were certainly up in the air so to speak and I was already in constant fear that things were about to totally fall fuckin apart any day because I got behind on my monthly probation fee and had possibly failed my U.A. in december.

But then, wouldn't you know I went and fucked it all the way up!! And damnit: I could kick myself in the damn head for doin it the way I did. Sometimes I look at my actions in hindsight and think: "My God! WTF is wrong we me? Why did I do that??!!" Yah know, and like have absolutely no f**kin clue why I had, and what made me do things the way I had.....Like the mourning I woke up in jail a little over two weeks ago today and found myself hung-over, with a wrecked Honda (GD!) which Sam had tried time and time again to treat that car with the tender love and concern (as well as RESPECT-I should mention) and what do I do....I go out and buy another pint of whiskey while he's napping on Friday afternoon/evening after his mother had asked me to go to the store for her to get some Coke. I mean, for the past 2, 3, months I haven't been driving my car at all-Anywhere! If someone drove it it was Sam (or Brad once or twice) and I hardly even went with him, even if he was driving I didn't like to be out and about in public after my warrent was issued b/c I knew I would go to jail for a period even if they did OR me eventually, I knew I wouldn't be able to just bond right out again since I had a FAT!! Even if the county jail was overcrowded.

And Yep! I sure did have to spend some time in jail--although it could have been worse, for sure!! I had a $20,000 bond!! Before I went to court on a Tues. (since Monday had been MLKing Day) I had a $6,000 bond. Damn, I only thought that that was high. I thought "Sam won't be able to nor would he be willing to come up with $600 to bond me out. WRONG! Suprisingly enough to me then he was in fact willing however, not exactly able to do it. But he told me "Don't worry baby I'll get you out by tommorw afternoon, which came and went without a word from him. So....I called him again, that next nite. This time he said he was working on it, Don't Worry!, and that he really thought that they would OR me that next mourning when I was finally able to go before a judge. I cried, he reassured me it would be okay, and ultimately I b.elieved. He was wrong........and the rest of the story will be told in my second post. For now, I am signing out as I have got to get up and work with Callie tommorw. That too will be explained later.